The Dream Life: What’s Your Eleven?

Have the courage to want something so bad you can taste it.

I can make steps toward something, but if I have no sense of where I want to go, the steps don’t land on a map that shows any progress toward anything.

This feels like walking an existential treadmill. 10,000 steps a day! Leading to nothing.

Photo by N. on Unsplash

You have to have a sense of what you’d like to achieve, what you want life to look like. More importantly, feel like. Where is all of this going, and what do you want to feel like when you get there?

Of course, wanting anything badly enough to fight for it is a brave thing. And be sure: there will always be some degree of a fight. Some of us spend a lot of time and energy convincing ourselves there’s nothing we want that badly. But then we’re right, and then we’re miserable.

If there was a life that, if I just aimed and worked toward it, there’d be no way I wouldn’t get there…if success were unavoidable…

What would I want that to look like? If life feels like a 6/10 today, what does my 11/10 look like?

I don’t want a life devoid of problems – I’m finding I actually enjoy putting my nose down and solving problems – but I do crave a life where I can face problems without a real fear that these problems could destroy me and what little I’ve accomplished. To live a life that allows me to dance with challenges with joy and wonder, rather than fear and dread.

I will be outside. A lot. Traveling, eating and drinking, socializing, all outside as much as possible. Which means I would start spending time in places that don’t hit 115 degrees in the summer.

While my roots are still here in AZ, this is likely where I’d remain, but when that changes, WHERE SHOULD I LIVE…?

I will regularly network and connect with people who were likewise happy, committed to their dreams, grounded in service to and love of something…people with that fire in their eyes.

I will make at least $200K a year (or more accurately, about $20k/month). I’m ok with part of it being a 9-to-5 (at least at first), if it’s stable and stress-free (I have this now). Ideally, I’d make the $200k+ from working for myself, from wherever I please, doing work for people who are just as wild about what I’m into and what I can offer them. WHAT KIND OF WORK DO I WANT…??

I will identify what healthy choices I can make AND STICK TO, regarding activity, diet, nutrition, etc. I would go back to having a personal trainer, maybe a dietitian.

My professional schedule will be flexible enough that I could sleep and wake when my natural clock felt like it. Being stuck to a 9-to-5 schedule has made me necessarily a morning person – I want to be able to explore what being up until 4 AM does for me. I’d also want to try not forcing myself to sleep 8 hours a night. A lot of well-known geniuses were known to divide their sleep into chunks throughout the day.

I will drive a slightly larger vehicle, something I could throw a dog, some camping equipment, or maybe just a few people into. I would drive smooth, easy and safe. Like I was rolling in a Cadillac. I would pay for it in cash, or lease it, because…

I will be devoutly debt-free.

My wardrobe would shrink down to a few daily uniforms, a couple nice dresses, some workout gear. All comfortable shoes.

I will hang out with people who are thoughtful, optimistic, driven, creative, introspective. People who are obsessed with something. Obsession is what powers us through problems and energizes us to solving them.

I will write a lot. Writing helps to refine my thoughts, clear my head. When I write, I feel movement, like gears are turning in the background, connections are being made in ways I may or may not be conscious of.

I will have a life purpose solidly in mind. That is where the real happiness comes from.

What would I be willing to give/pay for this life?

Not an easy question to answer, but truthfully this helps to shape what this perfect vision looks like. Because perfect does not mean without problems. Not if you’re a person who loves problem solving and helping others with similar challenges.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a steady partner again – I can’t even think of anything I’d want from one. In my 11/10 life, it seems likely a partner would be more of a hindrance than a joy. My satisfaction will come from being comfortable with my own company.

I would be okay with renting and leasing, as opposed to owning. This would feel like less security, but would also make me more light of foot – I could more easily pick up and travel or relocate if I wanted.

What are my problems?

I have a lot of debt I’m working to resolve, so any amount of money I make just leaves me feeling broke. The psychological effects are a whole other aspect – the paranoia, the sense that I’m losing money constantly. This is a problem I can solve.

I’m isolated. I don’t know a lot of people who qualify in the criteria I named above, let alone am I around them on the regular. I need to find them, figure out how to attract them in my life. This is a problem I can solve.

I currently live in a situation where people depend on me and my livelihood, in such a way that if I make bad choices, I might be able to roll with the punches but they would be in very bad straits. I don’t feel like I have the freedom to take risks because of this. This…is not a problem I’m currently able or willing to solve. Though in time this issue may resolve itself – everyone has their own paths too.

Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash

What excites me about this topic?

I love the realization I don’t know some of the things I want. These are clues to where I need to experiment and explore.

I love that this puts me in a headspace to dream, and to wonder, rather than stay stuck where I am.

This fuels me to not just daydream, but to act.

If you’re also wondering what you want your life to look like, consider the following:

-          Some of your current frustrations about what you don’t want in your life could be excellent signs as to what you DO want. What are some of your biggest problems and gripes with life as you experience it now?

-          Understand that most of what we really want is to feel a certain way, and there may be an infinite number of paths that will help us get there. Think to some of your happiest memories: what did you love about them the most? How did they make you feel? What feelings would you want to bring forward into the life you are crafting for your future self?

-          What goals do you want to accomplish? Why do you want them? How near or far from them do you see yourself? Can you identify exact steps to get there, even a timeline? Or are these goals more ephemeral?